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Poem

Silence of A Survivor

April 4, 2017 • Mona Sharma • 38 • New Delhi

As I enter my happy home

I see some distant and cheerful faces

 

Happy home says: Join the party and have some fun

I am at a party where I don’t want to be

With two uninvited guests and I don’t need anymore

 

Happy home says: You are making much out of nothing; Just eat well and sleep well

Yes, the problem is nothing as there is a nothingness that I feel

At the same time I know this hollowness is real

 

Happy home says: Travel to a new place, you’ll feel rejuvenated

I am an absent minded traveler who is passing through each moment

hey, Yes! I remember that girl with scars who sat next to me during the journey.

 

Happy home says: See, that’s your problem! you focus on everything that’s sad in the world

I can hear the pain even when no words are spoken

I can see the scars hidden by sleeves

I can sense the tears even when no eyes meet

 

Happy home says: You have no life! You look lifeless!

Do you remember the story of the man who saved escaped a bear by pretending to be dead

I play dead until the bears leave me alone

 

Happy home says: Tame them, control them

Mom, Dad I can’t shoo them away to leave me alone

But you know I don’t believe their lies anymore

That everything is about me or because of me!

 

I don’t get to decide the dark days of my life

But I know these dark days don’t last forever

I know the sun is out there for others to see

The light that can guide me, That light is me.

Each of us has, our own way in life
For some it may be easy, for others it’s strife

Mom, Dad! I know what I must do today

Push a little further to find that step

That leads to the next step on this road of recovery

 

Mona is a psychologist and public mental health professional, currently training front line workers in emergency situations. She is involved in mental health advocacy efforts in India.

TAGS #depression #recovery #selflove #silence