Every day of school, is nothing less than a struggle for me.
I am scared to go to that place. I start feeling unhappy and hollow the moment I wake up and start a new day.
It’s like an exam that I have to take every day, and try as I might, I fail it every day. It leaves me with nothing but self doubt and a feeling that I’m weaker and everyone else is much better.
Every morning… as I step onto the bus, all I can think about is how to get to my seat, without letting you notice that I am there.
But how is that even possible? When you have been eagerly waiting for me… to talk to me… as if I am your favourite person on earth!
I try and avoid conversation, and sit as far from you as possible. I try to at least have a happy start to my day.
Slowly and slowly all your friends get onto the bus, and as they do, you exchange that evil smile and those funny looks… looking at me, pointing at me… I become even more uncomfortable in my seat.
But I must say, you are experts at your job now.
You start and end your daily routine with expert perfection, while none of it affects you at all.
Even when I don’t say anything, you provoke me. You say things that tempt me to answer, and if you are successful at your game and I utter even one word, it’s enough to get you started.
It’s not just the bus, even while at school you find me everywhere, and I don’t know whom to go to for help. Because everyone else seems just like you; in fact they add fuel to your fire and you all have so much fun, just laughing together. Laughing at me.
I also pretend to laugh. And I even smile along. But deep down it really hurts… I feel not needed and unnecessary… like waste!
I am nothing but your toy; you are capable of being sweet to the toy when you need something, but all the other times you are just selfish, rude and mean.
And do you know what the funniest part is?!
I FALL FOR THIS EVERY SINGLE TIME!
When I am with you, I am actually not myself, I am a different version of myself. My views, my opinions, my thoughts… it all changes around you. I am a YOU version of myself.
Every morning, I put on all the things that you would like to hear from me… words which when spoken, may help me find myself included in your group.
But at the end of the day, I am left feeling sad. Not just because of how you treat me, but because another day just went be, but I couldn’t stand up for myself.
All I do is try to please you and it’s true, I am no different from you.
But, there are also so many questions in my mind… can I ask you some?
So dear bullies, here it goes…
Why are you so concerned–about my appearance, my religion, my culture, my looks, whether or not I wax my legs, what I eat, how I eat whatever I eat, what I speak, how I speak, my jokes, the books I read, the songs I listen to, my friends, my family, MY EVERYTHING!
How does it matter to you? And what makes you think that I am accountable to you?
Are you so weak that you really have to pick on everyone else just to make yourself happy?
Is that how dissatisfied you are?
In that case, I pity you…
Stop now, or one day I might just burst!
P.S – everything written was based on observations, not personal experiences.